Game of Thrones Review: Eastwatch

REVIEW: 'EASTWATCH' WAS OUR  MOST REVELATORY EPISODE OF THE SEASON SO FAR.

'Eastwatch' was all about providing answers to some of the burning questions on the mind of the faithful viewers and it did well to drive crucial plot points as we move (sadly) closer towards the final stretch of the season. 

I had already suspected prior to seeing, that this episode five would be fuckery on auto pilot. (I was on my three eyed raven shit) I sniffed the BS, before it happened, but HBO and the gang still snuck a few gems here and there. Brace yourselves. 

The Mad Queen lives!!!

So turns out  Dany doesn't hang people, she burns em (big surprise😒).
From the "non knee benders" to the casual every day traitor.  The judgment is still the same swoosh, dracarys.

Episode five began on a sour note. Sam Tarley's folks, Papa Tarley and the valiant and adorable Dickon Talley (his name is Dickon 😂😂), were transformed into bacon, regardless of their honour and whatever, even with Tyrion trying to convince her to take an alternate route to justice (whatever her justice is), the mad queen drops the fucking ball.

              HERE WE SEE DICKON WITH HIS DICKOFF.
 Deanery's ideals always seemed like just that 'ideals', they were mostly anything but pragmatic and her losses to Cersie perhaps showed her that and prompted her to ultimately follow lady Olena's advice to "be a dragon" and reach into her inner mad queen. For all her talk about being the breaker of chains and what not, Daenerys is beginning to show the trappings of your regular Westeros tyrant.

The Plan

Since Daenerys cannot leave Dragonstone to help out Jon in the North for fear of Cersei re-taking Westeros.  So the latest crazy idea is to try and convince Cersei that the army of the dead is a real as -- uhm,  fuck. By capturing one of the dead and hightailing back to King's Landing and prove to Cersei that the dead are indeed a threat that cannot be ignored.

Somehow Tyrion is convinced all of this will convince Cersei to halt her plans to take Westeros should Dany fly North and join the fight against the Night King and his army (we all know it won't, shit don't make sense) oh!! and Tyrion had to sneak into King's Landing to try and convince Jamie to try and convince Cersei.

In my opinion, Tyrion should be drinking more.
I haven't seen him with a glass of wine the whole season. I attribute the terrible suggestion of fetching an undead soldier from beyond the wall to show Cercei for proof,  on his lack of alcoholic nourishment. He hasn't been drinking straight.. Please hand the hand a drink. (insert other dwarf jokes here!).
We miss all the cunning, conniving and plotting. What we have here are on the fly ideas and suggestions.

Meanwhile at Winterfell

As with the Very Bad Plan and Dany's new found Impulse to burn people, the Winterfell plot-line was a bit bumming.
The Northern and Vale lords are still at Winterfell for some reason (cunts just abandoned their homes). The elderly sissies are angry that Jon abandoned the North and are already talking about replacing Jon. 

Oh, What is bran doing? why isn't he doing anything about the fuckery in Winterfell?

if i had super powers, i'd at least try to do other things besides being a retard on wheels.

intervene or something.

Middle finger Lord Baelish, upped one on everyone's favourite assassin sweet heart, Arya-her-fucking-mind for thinking she can sneak up on the only character who's never let his guard down the whole story, Stark.  If you follow their hide and seek game, you'll notice how slyly Baelish moved his chess pieces. Chaos after all isn't a ladder or pit, it is a finger, a little one.

Gendry

Robert Baratheon's son is back. (welcome back you bastard). He's now even more diabolical with a hammer.. (Like the westeros diet version of a brunette thor) and two Gold Cloaks discovered this, much to their misfortune. 
There was this scene, with Davos using his expert smuggler wits, charms, bribes and lies to elude the patrolling gold cloaks at the beach, when Tyrion shows up to meet the fuckery, and Gendry had to flex his hammer moves on the gold cloaks -- the name alone.
Gendry, later  reveals himself to Jon against all of Davos' warnings and is later reunited with the Brotherhood of Bannerlessness. *wink

The Magnificent/Suicide Seven

The final act of the episode saw Jon assemble a ragtag group to go beyond the wall for the most suicidal most dangerous mission ever. Comprising nearly everyone in the I've-died-before or can't-wait-to-die group of westeros' finest bad assess.

From Clegane, to the Brotherhood without Banners to our beloved Gendry. 

Everyone on the team just couldn't care less about dying, like their hobbies might include "capturing zombies and wraiths on warm winter evenings". I have high hopes for Clegane, I felt bad because he hasn't been doing much Clegane stuff since you know - - ages.
Seven of our favorite characters all united for some dark purpose which might end up being for nada (I just don't see Cersei aligning with their cause for any reason) sh** I couldn't be any more excited.

 Alright then, Peace out (drops mic or whatever....).